I thought you died alone, a long long time ago
So I ran for 28 minutes today. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I usually walk for 2 minutes at 3 mph, then 2 minutes at 4 mph, then about 10 minutes at 5 mph with a 2 minute break at 3 or 4 mph, then back to 5 mph. Well, today, started off as usual, 3 mph then 4 mph, but then I ran for 22 straight minutes at 5 mph. Then the cool down of 90 seconds at 4 mph, 90 seconds at 3 mph. My recovery time is getting quicker and quicker.
When I first started this, I would run/jog for 20 minutes, and then it would take 30-45 minutes to be able to walk around afterwards. I felt dizzy and exhausted afterwards. Nowadays, it only takes about 5 minutes of walking around my house before I am able to do something else. Getting healthier.
I had a steak salad with no french fries for lunch, no breakfast, water all day long, and tonight I am making turkey mignon wrapped in bacon, spinach and broccoli.
I had to get up early and go to the funeral at 9 am. Then, my sister, brother-in-law and I drover to the gravesite to bury my father. It was a 2 hour drive from the funeral home to the cemetery, and it was awful. Then it was rainy and muddy at the cemetery, and I got called into duty as a pall bearer at the cemetery. Quite annoying.
And through it all, nothing. I felt no sadness, no crying, no gnashing of the teeth. It was just lame. Fuck it. And I don't feel bad that I don't feel bad. I wanted to at some point, but I couldn't. My oldest brother, who was closest to our father, was very sad. And I stood there at the gravesite, in front of his casket, and thought "Wish I was upset." But I can’t make something out of nothing.
Got to have lunch with some of the family I don’t see often. Adopted brother and sister, little brother to my father’s second marriage, Uncle (brother of my father) and one of my only 2 cousins. They aren’t a part of my life, and I don’t feel as bad about that afterwards. At one point, adopted sister asked my sister if the 4 children my father abandoned all graduated from high school. Like it was something rare to have graduated from high school. We all did. They all didn’t. My cousin made up some story of when we all would visit the graveyard (2 hours from Pittsburgh), thinking my brothers and sisters went with them. We didn’t. She forgot her mother and grandmother abandoned my mom and the four of us when my father left.
People are all fucked up, and I am related to too many of them.
When I first started this, I would run/jog for 20 minutes, and then it would take 30-45 minutes to be able to walk around afterwards. I felt dizzy and exhausted afterwards. Nowadays, it only takes about 5 minutes of walking around my house before I am able to do something else. Getting healthier.
I had a steak salad with no french fries for lunch, no breakfast, water all day long, and tonight I am making turkey mignon wrapped in bacon, spinach and broccoli.
I had to get up early and go to the funeral at 9 am. Then, my sister, brother-in-law and I drover to the gravesite to bury my father. It was a 2 hour drive from the funeral home to the cemetery, and it was awful. Then it was rainy and muddy at the cemetery, and I got called into duty as a pall bearer at the cemetery. Quite annoying.
And through it all, nothing. I felt no sadness, no crying, no gnashing of the teeth. It was just lame. Fuck it. And I don't feel bad that I don't feel bad. I wanted to at some point, but I couldn't. My oldest brother, who was closest to our father, was very sad. And I stood there at the gravesite, in front of his casket, and thought "Wish I was upset." But I can’t make something out of nothing.
Got to have lunch with some of the family I don’t see often. Adopted brother and sister, little brother to my father’s second marriage, Uncle (brother of my father) and one of my only 2 cousins. They aren’t a part of my life, and I don’t feel as bad about that afterwards. At one point, adopted sister asked my sister if the 4 children my father abandoned all graduated from high school. Like it was something rare to have graduated from high school. We all did. They all didn’t. My cousin made up some story of when we all would visit the graveyard (2 hours from Pittsburgh), thinking my brothers and sisters went with them. We didn’t. She forgot her mother and grandmother abandoned my mom and the four of us when my father left.
People are all fucked up, and I am related to too many of them.
posted by Mike at 4:07 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home