I'm losing my mind, yeah I got bit all the time, and I'm better off dead, cause it was all in my head

Here are some of the thoughts from this weekend as I convalesced.

I seem to have now entered into the “anger” phase of my recovery. I want to meet whoever is responsible for the accident and mete out my own type of street justice! With extreme prejudice! (I’ve been watching too much “The Sopranos” this weekend getting ready for the new season in two weeks). I don’t know what that would entail, but sitting on him isn’t out of the question. It almost, ALMOST, makes me wish I was still 272 lbs and could inflict some real damage to him by actually sitting on him.

I took numerous pictures of my head wound to show it to all of you. I had to take these pictures myself, with both the digital camera and my cell phone camera. After about 30 different tries, I finally got one that showed the wound…and realized I was too grossed out by it to actually post it. I don’t think anyone else wants to see this. I won’t be pulling my hat off at work to show off my staples and wound.

I was going to take pictures of me to put online, but now that I’ve rapidly gained a lot of weight, I don’t believe it is a good idea. This morning I was up to 235 lbs. I think my mentality of “I’m-so-happy-to-be-alive-I’ll-eat-everything” has got to end.

There are people I know who are stuck on the expiration date of food products. If the “sell-by” date has even passed by one day, there is a woman at work who will pitch the entire carton of milk, whether it smells bad or not. Just pitch it without regard to how bad it may or may not be. That is me with doctor’s advice. At least after an actual incident (I did keep smoking for a few years after my physician told me to stop: it did take me years to take his advice on weight loss). So the doctors at the hospital told me sedentary work only with no heavy lifting or straining for 2 weeks. I asked one of them about my running, and they said no running. They didn’t want my heart rate to get high, and they didn’t want me accidentally passing out, falling down and endangering my staples & the head wound.

I have taken their words to heart and haven’t run at all since coming home from the hospital, or even gotten too near the treadmill. But I think walking on it should be fine, really. Low impact walking will at least get things moving through my leg muscles and it will get me ready for next week when I start running again. Tonight, I will be walking, even if it is slowly, on the treadmill for 30 minutes.

Maybe it will help me through some of the anger.