Lisa: [to Gary] You had me at "dicks fuck assholes".
I was reading a blog the other day from a man who is still in the closet. I understand his situation, as it happens at times where we have to hide who we are due to the hate and misleading information people have on our being gay.
This entry told the story of how one hetero friend had sent out an e-mail to what he assumed was an all hetero audience, telling about he previous evenings adventure where he and another male friend accidentally went into a gay bar for an evening. I guess in smaller towns of England, outside of London, these bars don’t scream that they are gay, so this seems to be a possibility. I guess, now that I think about it, most of our gay bars in Pittsburgh aren’t exactly screaming with signs “HOMOS ONLY” on them, so you could wonder into one and not know immediately that it was a gay bar.
They realized they were in a gay establishment, and this hetero boy then puts in his e-mail that he and his friend HAD TO go to the bathroom together and also that they stayed sober to “…keep a lookout for any unwanted advances.” My response to that would have been “What the fuck do you think we queers want to do with you?”
First off, if it is unwanted advances he is worried about, what do these hetero men think that hetero women have to go through all the time? Do they think that all women want every sexual advance that is thrust upon them when they are out? But I guess, in breeder world, the hetero male to female advances are ok, even if unwanted.
Secondly, what was it that frightened he and his friend so much about in the bathroom that they had to go together, implying safety in numbers? I am 36 years old, and I’ve been going into gay bars since I was 19 (my older brother and I looked enough alike that I used his ID and breezed on through, but that explains why to this day I know my brothers license number) and I have never seen some guy having a blow job thrust upon them in the bathroom of a gay bar. Never! I have been to gay bars in Cleveland, San Francisco, Chicago, Washington DC, Berlin, London, Amsterdam, Toronto, Bangkok and I’m sure a few other major cities in the world, and I have never seen a group of homos pinning some poor, unsuspecting hetero boy against the wall and sodomizing him. (Which, of course, leads to the alternative, that any time I’ve seen it, everyone seems a pretty willing participant.)
So what is it that puts the fear of homos into the hetero boys? I don’t go to straight bars and fear that some woman is going to hit on me. I better not, because it happens. Often enough. Even at work, there have been women who flirt with me, tell me that if I only wasn’t gay…
But I don’t flip out about these things, I don’t panic, and I don’t hate them for it. What is the hetero response to gay boys? Fear, anger and violence. I’ve never heard of hetero bashing. Us queers might throw the occasional biting remark towards some homophobic boy, but those don’t hurt as much as baseball bats to the face.
I always think back to something that happened in college, before I was completely out of the closet. This was 1990, and I was in the community shower in our dorm with 2 other guys. One guy I will call Dan, a nice guy who was shy, tall, skinny and not an athlete. When I say skinny, I mean he was probably 5’11” or so, maybe 130 lbs soaking wet. I have heard about him from time to time since then and he has never told anyone that he is gay. The other was some fat, hairy football player I will call Rocco. When I say fat, I mean like 5’9” 300 lbs, and when I say hairy, I mean thick black hair covered almost all of him, front and back, ie if he was naked, you mistakenly thought he was wearing a sweater. I only remember the incident because of what happened a few hours later, as we finished like always and left the shower, thinking nothing of it at all.
Later on, Rocco is in a common room with some of his buddies, all stupid fucking jocks, and I was sitting at another part of the room reading. Rocco said that he was taking a shower this morning and Dan was there, so he was afraid of dropping the soap in the shower, and they all laughed. I stood up, walked over to him and looked down and said “What?” He looked up at me and said “I don’t know what he’d do if I bent over.” I looked down at him and said “Vomit, probably.” I wanted to go off and scream in his face, yell “You fucking idiot, no one really wants to see you naked, let along touch you! Why would you assume that Dan would want to ever want to fuck you, you hateful, disgusting little troll!”
Instead, I shook my head, said “Idiot” and walked out the door. Since that day, I have been trying to figure out what hetero men think is going to happen to them if they spend time around gay men. Has one of them been raped? Has one of them been touched in such a way that they have been damaged for life?
In 1997, my ex, Joe, and I went to Toronto Gay & Lesbian Film Festival, and saw the documentary “Licensed to Kill.” In it, filmmaker Arthur Dong interviews a bunch of men who are in jail for killing gay men, and one guy justified his killing some gay man because the touched his arm, and he felt this guy was flirting with him.
The two men who killed Matthew Shepard at one point claimed the “gay panic defense,” that romantic or sexual propositions from one gay to a hetero man can cause the hetero man to spark into a rage that is temporary insanity. In reading one article about the gay panic defense, it is noted “No analogous defense pertaining to heterosexual encounters has been recorded.” Lucky for those hetero men who hassle women, eh?
I just don’t understand the fear, the anger, the hate that accompanies this stupidity hetero men have about homosexuals. I don’t understand what it is that brings this out of what are usually normal men with logical, cogent thinking.
My title is from “Team America: World Police” which I recently saw, and just had to quote that line, as it is about as fucked up a line as I’ve ever heard spoken in a major studio release starring marionette puppets.
This entry told the story of how one hetero friend had sent out an e-mail to what he assumed was an all hetero audience, telling about he previous evenings adventure where he and another male friend accidentally went into a gay bar for an evening. I guess in smaller towns of England, outside of London, these bars don’t scream that they are gay, so this seems to be a possibility. I guess, now that I think about it, most of our gay bars in Pittsburgh aren’t exactly screaming with signs “HOMOS ONLY” on them, so you could wonder into one and not know immediately that it was a gay bar.
They realized they were in a gay establishment, and this hetero boy then puts in his e-mail that he and his friend HAD TO go to the bathroom together and also that they stayed sober to “…keep a lookout for any unwanted advances.” My response to that would have been “What the fuck do you think we queers want to do with you?”
First off, if it is unwanted advances he is worried about, what do these hetero men think that hetero women have to go through all the time? Do they think that all women want every sexual advance that is thrust upon them when they are out? But I guess, in breeder world, the hetero male to female advances are ok, even if unwanted.
Secondly, what was it that frightened he and his friend so much about in the bathroom that they had to go together, implying safety in numbers? I am 36 years old, and I’ve been going into gay bars since I was 19 (my older brother and I looked enough alike that I used his ID and breezed on through, but that explains why to this day I know my brothers license number) and I have never seen some guy having a blow job thrust upon them in the bathroom of a gay bar. Never! I have been to gay bars in Cleveland, San Francisco, Chicago, Washington DC, Berlin, London, Amsterdam, Toronto, Bangkok and I’m sure a few other major cities in the world, and I have never seen a group of homos pinning some poor, unsuspecting hetero boy against the wall and sodomizing him. (Which, of course, leads to the alternative, that any time I’ve seen it, everyone seems a pretty willing participant.)
So what is it that puts the fear of homos into the hetero boys? I don’t go to straight bars and fear that some woman is going to hit on me. I better not, because it happens. Often enough. Even at work, there have been women who flirt with me, tell me that if I only wasn’t gay…
But I don’t flip out about these things, I don’t panic, and I don’t hate them for it. What is the hetero response to gay boys? Fear, anger and violence. I’ve never heard of hetero bashing. Us queers might throw the occasional biting remark towards some homophobic boy, but those don’t hurt as much as baseball bats to the face.
I always think back to something that happened in college, before I was completely out of the closet. This was 1990, and I was in the community shower in our dorm with 2 other guys. One guy I will call Dan, a nice guy who was shy, tall, skinny and not an athlete. When I say skinny, I mean he was probably 5’11” or so, maybe 130 lbs soaking wet. I have heard about him from time to time since then and he has never told anyone that he is gay. The other was some fat, hairy football player I will call Rocco. When I say fat, I mean like 5’9” 300 lbs, and when I say hairy, I mean thick black hair covered almost all of him, front and back, ie if he was naked, you mistakenly thought he was wearing a sweater. I only remember the incident because of what happened a few hours later, as we finished like always and left the shower, thinking nothing of it at all.
Later on, Rocco is in a common room with some of his buddies, all stupid fucking jocks, and I was sitting at another part of the room reading. Rocco said that he was taking a shower this morning and Dan was there, so he was afraid of dropping the soap in the shower, and they all laughed. I stood up, walked over to him and looked down and said “What?” He looked up at me and said “I don’t know what he’d do if I bent over.” I looked down at him and said “Vomit, probably.” I wanted to go off and scream in his face, yell “You fucking idiot, no one really wants to see you naked, let along touch you! Why would you assume that Dan would want to ever want to fuck you, you hateful, disgusting little troll!”
Instead, I shook my head, said “Idiot” and walked out the door. Since that day, I have been trying to figure out what hetero men think is going to happen to them if they spend time around gay men. Has one of them been raped? Has one of them been touched in such a way that they have been damaged for life?
In 1997, my ex, Joe, and I went to Toronto Gay & Lesbian Film Festival, and saw the documentary “Licensed to Kill.” In it, filmmaker Arthur Dong interviews a bunch of men who are in jail for killing gay men, and one guy justified his killing some gay man because the touched his arm, and he felt this guy was flirting with him.
The two men who killed Matthew Shepard at one point claimed the “gay panic defense,” that romantic or sexual propositions from one gay to a hetero man can cause the hetero man to spark into a rage that is temporary insanity. In reading one article about the gay panic defense, it is noted “No analogous defense pertaining to heterosexual encounters has been recorded.” Lucky for those hetero men who hassle women, eh?
I just don’t understand the fear, the anger, the hate that accompanies this stupidity hetero men have about homosexuals. I don’t understand what it is that brings this out of what are usually normal men with logical, cogent thinking.
My title is from “Team America: World Police” which I recently saw, and just had to quote that line, as it is about as fucked up a line as I’ve ever heard spoken in a major studio release starring marionette puppets.
posted by Mike at 5:57 AM
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