The first cut is the deepest, Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
The only person who zestfully accepts change is a convert. In alternate, the ex-whore is the most vociferous opponent of prostitution. (who will give me 50 cents for that word, eh?)
To give you an example, as most know, I used to smoke cigarettes. A lot of them. For over 10 years. It all started when my friend Bill & I were 15 and he said “Let’s smoke,” to which I replied “I’ll buy the cigarettes if you let me…”oh, whoops! Umm, never mind. I won’t tell that whole story. I come off looking like a crazy, sex fiend queer, and too many people think that about me anyway.
Fast forward almost 11 years, and I was still smoking. And gasping for air. And wheezing. I developed a problem with chronic bronchitis. Which had actually put me in the hospital for a few days my senior year in college. So it was my 26th birthday, and I was spending the evening rolling around with two beautiful men…oh wait. Again, I think I’m going to stop there or I’ll come off as some oversexed Grace Jones with a penis (although the jury is still out on whether Grace has one dangling down there or not.) I wake up and my throat is sore, and not for the usual good reason. I can feel the beginning of bronchitis. You know you have bronchitis from this thick feeling in your breathing, and it is seconded by the…wait. You know what, if I’m not going to give you the dish about my sex life, I will not be so rude as to subject you to the color, texture and consistency of my phlegm. That is just my rule of thumb. Many people think I have questionable morals as it is, I don’t need the rest to think that I can only dish out the sick parts.
Fast forward a few weeks. I was sick as I think I’d ever been and wasn’t even sleeping at this point as I could barely breathe. Interestingly, my boss at work never advised me that I had the ability to take paid sick leave. At the time, I worked on the phone, and when I got sick, I couldn’t take two breaths without coughing and hacking, but he put my filing to do keep me at work. From coughing that month, I pulled a muscle in my back. Then, while still at work, I coughed and felt some sharp pain in my side. My doctor told me I bruised a rib. That was the part when I couldn’t sleep. It got to June 28, and still, through all of this, I smoked cigarettes. Like a fiend.
Then, on June 29, I was in such pain and was having such trouble that my boyfriend, Joe, brought me to the ER. They admitted me for tests and such, and as I was going to stay overnight I told Joe to go home, and I was sure I’d be fine. I was hooked up to machines and IV’s and all that crap. I woke up at some point in the evening, and I thought “If I could just take out the IV’s and pull the monitors off, I could sneak down the steps and have a cigarette.” After trying to come up with a plan, I realized it was quite insane to think of doing it. And that is when I decided to become an ex-smoker, smoked my last cigarette the next day, June 30, which was also Joe’s 30th birthday. We both quit. I have remained an ex-smoker for over 10 years now. I have heard that Joe started smoking after we broke up.
As many of my friends will attest to, I am the most anti-ex-smoker there is. I take every chance to rail at smoking and the need for smokers to all become ex-smokers. It is because I have been to the worst part that smoking will bring people, the sickness, the smell, the inability to breath, the diminished sense of smell, and I have come back from that and realized that I am so much healthier not smoking. And there is no way I could run the way I do if I was still a smoker.
So it is this personal quality that I am bringing to my new diet. I went out and bought all the different foods necessary for the weeks supply, and I have given away all the foods that might tempt me in the coming weeks (and that includes 4 pounds of cheese I had lying around! FOUR POUNDS OF CHEESE! Given away! Oh, that hurt!) I did go out with a bang, and ate a pound of bacon yesterday. (Sad for me to realize that 10 years ago, “going out with a bang” included at least 2 naked men in my bed, and now it is all about the bacon! What has happened to me?) I made sure every meal had some bacon in it (it didn’t seem as bad as a whole pound as it was a thick cut, therefore less strips to use up) and some cheese as well. Though not as much as the bacon.
And this morning, I was rewarded with 4 pancakes with fresh blueberries, sugar free syrup and butter, all in acceptable amounts. Yes, pancakes are on my new diet. And plenty of fruits & veggies. I don’t know how I will journal about it, though I will for the first few weeks keep a note pad about everything I eat. I will try not to bore you with all the details (this entry certainly is lacking in specific details that might make people want to read further, though, don’t you think? Or maybe it is now that many have decided to remove me from their “Favorites,” never to be tempted by my amoral ramblings, eh?)
To give you an example, as most know, I used to smoke cigarettes. A lot of them. For over 10 years. It all started when my friend Bill & I were 15 and he said “Let’s smoke,” to which I replied “I’ll buy the cigarettes if you let me…”oh, whoops! Umm, never mind. I won’t tell that whole story. I come off looking like a crazy, sex fiend queer, and too many people think that about me anyway.
Fast forward almost 11 years, and I was still smoking. And gasping for air. And wheezing. I developed a problem with chronic bronchitis. Which had actually put me in the hospital for a few days my senior year in college. So it was my 26th birthday, and I was spending the evening rolling around with two beautiful men…oh wait. Again, I think I’m going to stop there or I’ll come off as some oversexed Grace Jones with a penis (although the jury is still out on whether Grace has one dangling down there or not.) I wake up and my throat is sore, and not for the usual good reason. I can feel the beginning of bronchitis. You know you have bronchitis from this thick feeling in your breathing, and it is seconded by the…wait. You know what, if I’m not going to give you the dish about my sex life, I will not be so rude as to subject you to the color, texture and consistency of my phlegm. That is just my rule of thumb. Many people think I have questionable morals as it is, I don’t need the rest to think that I can only dish out the sick parts.
Fast forward a few weeks. I was sick as I think I’d ever been and wasn’t even sleeping at this point as I could barely breathe. Interestingly, my boss at work never advised me that I had the ability to take paid sick leave. At the time, I worked on the phone, and when I got sick, I couldn’t take two breaths without coughing and hacking, but he put my filing to do keep me at work. From coughing that month, I pulled a muscle in my back. Then, while still at work, I coughed and felt some sharp pain in my side. My doctor told me I bruised a rib. That was the part when I couldn’t sleep. It got to June 28, and still, through all of this, I smoked cigarettes. Like a fiend.
Then, on June 29, I was in such pain and was having such trouble that my boyfriend, Joe, brought me to the ER. They admitted me for tests and such, and as I was going to stay overnight I told Joe to go home, and I was sure I’d be fine. I was hooked up to machines and IV’s and all that crap. I woke up at some point in the evening, and I thought “If I could just take out the IV’s and pull the monitors off, I could sneak down the steps and have a cigarette.” After trying to come up with a plan, I realized it was quite insane to think of doing it. And that is when I decided to become an ex-smoker, smoked my last cigarette the next day, June 30, which was also Joe’s 30th birthday. We both quit. I have remained an ex-smoker for over 10 years now. I have heard that Joe started smoking after we broke up.
As many of my friends will attest to, I am the most anti-ex-smoker there is. I take every chance to rail at smoking and the need for smokers to all become ex-smokers. It is because I have been to the worst part that smoking will bring people, the sickness, the smell, the inability to breath, the diminished sense of smell, and I have come back from that and realized that I am so much healthier not smoking. And there is no way I could run the way I do if I was still a smoker.
So it is this personal quality that I am bringing to my new diet. I went out and bought all the different foods necessary for the weeks supply, and I have given away all the foods that might tempt me in the coming weeks (and that includes 4 pounds of cheese I had lying around! FOUR POUNDS OF CHEESE! Given away! Oh, that hurt!) I did go out with a bang, and ate a pound of bacon yesterday. (Sad for me to realize that 10 years ago, “going out with a bang” included at least 2 naked men in my bed, and now it is all about the bacon! What has happened to me?) I made sure every meal had some bacon in it (it didn’t seem as bad as a whole pound as it was a thick cut, therefore less strips to use up) and some cheese as well. Though not as much as the bacon.
And this morning, I was rewarded with 4 pancakes with fresh blueberries, sugar free syrup and butter, all in acceptable amounts. Yes, pancakes are on my new diet. And plenty of fruits & veggies. I don’t know how I will journal about it, though I will for the first few weeks keep a note pad about everything I eat. I will try not to bore you with all the details (this entry certainly is lacking in specific details that might make people want to read further, though, don’t you think? Or maybe it is now that many have decided to remove me from their “Favorites,” never to be tempted by my amoral ramblings, eh?)
posted by Mike at 8:27 AM
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