The darkness looming there; maybe it won't work this time, but that's the risk you take (and you want to take it)

I ran on Friday, but didn’t end up having time Saturday or yesterday. Well, I had time yesterday, but I wasn’t in the mood. If I don’t run on a Saturday, I never am in the mood to run on a Sunday.

But I came home today from work (and rush hour was awful) and ran 2.2 miles in 30 minutes. Not bad at all. I also feel the beginning of some sort of flu thing, but I will get over it.

Sadly, this little under the weather feeling doesn’t seem to be effecting my ability to eat. And since I seem to have given myself permission to eat anything I can, I go for it. So this morning, I weighed in at 247.5 lbs. I do see the importance of running, of course, but I think I need to reign in the eating a bit. Maybe not do the 1600 calories exact, but slow down the eating so I see some progress in the weight loss, instead of no progress or regressions.

I am trying to stay positive with this program, as nothing really worked as well as this last year, and it seems I only need to be strict for about six weeks to get it going, and I can maintain it for the most part.

Back in 1007 (ed. 1997, obviously), I did the Atkins diet, and that worked well for about 6 months. The problem I had with it is that when I went off of it, I’d gain it back quickly, and lose less the next time I was strict. I know I’ve talked in the past about how many times I’ve dieted and failed, but I don’t consider this past year & a half a failure. These are all just bumps in the road, and I know I will be victorious in the long run, because I have to be. Heart disease, obesity, adult onset diabetes and ligament problems are not things I want to deal with in the future, and I need to step up now and be serious. And I see this as a marathon, not a sprint. Small set backs are just that; small.

The title of this entry today is from a beautiful song by Jane Sibbery, “The Life is a The Red Wagon.” Jane is a little nutty, to say the least (on my 37th birthday, she legally changes her name to Issa, pronounced eeee-sah for no apparent reason) but she has a fantastic voice and seems to write songs from the heart. I recommend her, especially her album “Bound by the Beauty.”

One of the most famous (and usually considered one of the most important) American poems of the 20th century is Williams Carlos Williams' “The Red Wheelbarrow,” (although technically, it is call “XXII” for it’s placement in a book of poems Dr. Williams wrote, and many scholars agree that calling it by any other name, such as “The Red Wheelbarrow,” gives more meaning than the poet wanted) a form of imagistic poetry where there isn’t meanings to poems, just things:

so much depends
upon
a red wheelbarrow
glazed with rain
water
beside the white
chickens.

I think Ms. Siberry took this iconoclastic poem and suggested a deeper meaning to the thing Dr. Willaims described, which probably would have angered him. The song is about two friends, and how sometimes, though things are difficult, “you pull me, and I pull for you.” I think this is the simplest foundation for most successful human relationships. Sometimes, my friends help me more than I can for myself, and sometimes I help them. That is the beauty of humans. We pull each other along at the same time others are pulling us along.

(Ed: Obviously, I typed "1007" instead of "1997." I would like the thank Mr. Anonymous, i.e. my pot smoking friend, for not commenting on my deconstruction of a beautiful song and the human meaning of relationships but for pointing out a typo. It would have been funnier to sign in as Dr. Brown and congratulate me for being the second person to invent a time traveling machine.)