You can't see me suddenly, I got pictures on my mind, I got pictures on my mind

I feel great right now. Wow, what a difference a week can make. (For full disclosure, I did just get off the treadmill about 4 minutes ago, so I might still be still high on endorphins.) Last week, I felt fatter than I have in a long time (the photo to the left is me from November of 2003 on a rooftop in Berlin; about 260 lbs.) Just from running, I feel a good bit better.

And it wasn't that difficult to get back into a routine. I know I am only at 20 minutes per day, not my 30 minutes, but I have been able to do it each day without that feeling that of dread I was having in January. I'm not saying it was good for me to stop running when I did, but I think I needed some of the past few months (the weight gain part, not the car accident part) to remind me why I run on the treadmill. Not only is it the weight loss, it is the feeling better about myself getting healthier. That is all it should be about now.

Most annoyingly, I’ve been eating horribly this week. I start out fine, and then it goes downhill, and as of last night, I was just shoveling food into my mouth. (the photo to the right is me jokingly drinking a jug of beer at the Edmonton Folk Music Festival in 2001 – I didn’t drink out of the jug; about 270 lbs.) I am hoping that at some point in time, while I am finally running, it will start to click that I need to eat better. If not, then it is like I am running for no reason if I don’t start losing weight.

I know it is going to be a long road back to what I was last summer. Here is a picture of me in Amsterdam one year ago:

I was 218 lbs when I left for Amsterdam last May 25. I need to remember that it is possible for me to get healthier and lose weight. The past few months it has seemed like a big uphill battle to get back to what I was one year ago, but it is one step at a time; a more focused step on the treadmill, and a more responsible step towards the refrigerator.