Down to earth then sinks the sun; down to earth then sinks the sun - when the day is done.

I have had a very good week. I was able to step up the running and am up to 2.65 miles 3 times this week so far. I ran regular on Monday then decided to I need to work on running faster, so I did. I know it doesn't sound like much, but considering that I felt stuck for a few months on 2.55 miles it is a nice little accomplishment. I will do this for a few weeks and then step it up a little again.

I've eaten horribly, so I am ignoring that for now. I am stuck at 248.5 pounds. I go up and down 1-2 pounds or so but I keep coming back to 248.5 pounds. I have to start losing weight soon, though, as I made the decision to play softball this summer.

After thinking about it, I really want to play softball again. Also, I think that wanting to play softball will help give me motivation to focus on losing weight. So tomorrow, I go to our first meeting for the season. If you would have asked me at the end of last season, I would have bet money that I wouldn't play this year. But I am surprised by the pull of competition I feel. I just have to take it easier on the field, not get annoyed or angry at my teammates.

Finally, since I have mentioned it in the past, I want to say that my grandfather is doing much better. To the surprise of his physicians, he is gaining weight and getting more independent. That is the best news I've had all year. I am hoping he continues to get healthier and more comfortable in his independence.

I never held emotion in the palm of my hand or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree

I know I've written a lot about my second job at the movie theater, and sometimes I've made it look bad. I actually enjoy the job 99.9% of the time. Then there are the rare times when it becomes frustrating. Yesterday was one of those times.

Just to complete the week on my exercise, I ran for 2.56 miles in 30 minutes yesterday morning before getting to the movie theater at 2 pm. That was 5 times running in the week. Good for me, eh? Then I went to work.

The first 90 minutes went swimmingly. The usual cleaning theaters, straitening things and catching people stealing movies. Then I went to Theater 2 to clean up. I saw three people, two women and a man, sitting at the top row as the movie credits ended. I thought nothing of it. I sat down in the corner by theater 5. I saw these three people walk past the lobby and keep walking towards the other theaters.

After a few moments, I saw the two women walk back up the hallway to the concession stand to get free refills on their jumbo popcorn and jumbo drinks. At that point I figured they dropped the guy off at another movie, so I walked to Theater 11 and stood in front to check their tickets.

After a few minutes, I saw them turn the corner. The older woman had her jumbo popcorn and drink on one of the cardboard trays. As they approached me, I asked for their tickets. Without slowing down, the older woman said to me "We threw them away," and walked around me. I stepped back quickly and stood in front of them and said "I need to see your tickets to get into this theater."

The younger woman said "Didn't you hear her? We threw them away," and again they both walked around me.

I went around them again and stepped in front of them - again. I said in my sternest voice "I need to see your ticket to get into this movie."

The older woman shoved the tray into my chest, pushed me out of the way with it and said "I told you we threw them away and you can't see them." and walked down the aisle and walked up the stairs. I want to point out that the movie had been running for about 25 minutes at this time and there were a fair amount of people watching the movie.

I gathered myself and walked up the steps to the top, where they were sitting. I took out my flashlight and shone it down and asked for their tickets. The younger woman looked at me and with a sneer said "Can't you hear, they got thrown away and so we can't show them to you."

The older woman said "Are you security?"

I shone the light on the theater's emblem on my shirt and said "I work here and I am asking for your tickets, and if you don't have them you have to leave."

The older woman looked at me and said "You are an usher. Go clean another theater."

I will say that the man that was with them never looked away from the movie and acknowledged me.

I left and had my manager come in and talk to her. The woman refused to leave even when the manager told them to leave.

The manager had to call the police, and it even took the police almost five minutes to get these three people out of the theater. And the first thing the older woman said was "Why did they ask us for tickets? Is it because they are prejudiced?"

There you have it - caught stealing a movie, treating an usher and manager of the theater with disrespect at best and disdain at worst, and refusing to leave the theater asked, and it all comes down to a question of race. That must be it.

Forgotten while you're here, remembered for a while: a much updated ruin from a much outdated style

Four down and one to go. I have had a good weak of running except for that strange weakness on Tuesday. And even then, I finished at least the 30 minutes exercising by walking.

The routine I've gotten into running includes a three minute walk at minute 17 to minute 20. I slow down to three mph and walk. Two months ago it was slowing down for five minutes starting at minute 15, so I have gotten better. I just need to keep on going more and more. I was up to 3.15 miles in 30 minutes before I went to Thailand last February. I would like to get up to that distance again.

I do think I need to lose weight before I can get the stamina to run that far. I've read it before that one pound above the waist is like 2 pounds of pressure on your legs. I remember running when I was thinner and my legs weren't getting tired like they do now. If I can control my food intake, I know I can get back to where I once was.

So, as it has been, it seems I have a long way to go to get there. I am going to keep positive and try to get focused. It's like the power of positive thinking now. I can do it. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and gosh darnit, people like me. Yeah, that's it.

Do you hope to find new ways of quenching your thirst,? Do you hope to find new ways of doing better than your worst?

Well, I feel better than yesterday. I ran for 2.66 miles in 30 minutes. I will have to say that I was feeling a little weak at the end of it, but not enough to stop me or even slow me down.

The guy who sits next to me at work is a marathoner. We sometimes talk running (I usually feel like a a padawan next to a Jedi master to be honest) and he said it sounds like I might have had a sugar crash, and he figured that out without me telling him that I had a bit of chocolate right before I left work at 6:30 pm. I am hoping he is correct because I don't want to feel that weak again while running. And I don't want to get sick right now.

I need to start getting serious about weight loss again. The running is great, but in order lose weight I need to control my caloric intake. As can be seen from the last few months, I keep talking the talk but not walking the walk in weight loss. Even yesterday I chowed down on chocolate bars and cupcakes when I wasn't even hungry.

Oh, and Toby is coming into town today. Maybe. He is supposedly driving in as we speak, but he is a slow driver and it may take him a day and a half to drive from Chicago to Pittsburgh. That is usually a 6-8 hour drive for most people. He started at around 11 am his time (noon est) and he has just crossed the Indiana-Ohio border (he called while I was typing that last sentence, so I know exactly where he is right now.) That is 8 hours to get what should have taken him less than 3 hours. This means that I am probably in for a very frustrating weekend dealing with him.

How cold it grows and nobody sees how shaky my knees: nobody cares how steep my stairs

I had the strangest experience today while running. I had only had a little problem running but was able to do the usual up until minute 23. And then I started feeling weak. I didn't do anything different. And then at minute 24 I put it up to 7 mph for the last 2 minutes of running. And then I felt waves of weakness. I actually thought for a moment that I was going to pass out. I decided to slow it down to 3 mph and try to catch some strength. I just walked the rest of the time, getting up to 2.33 miles in 30 minutes.

I went to cook dinner, and while waiting to make some sausage, I was shaking so much I had to make a quick sandwich just to get some energy into myself. It still took about 20 minutes before I stopped shaking.

I haven't felt sick or weak all day long. Felt normal, except for the back and shoulder pain. Ate well all day, maybe just a bit more than I should have but not too much. I had mixed berries, a good serving of pineapple, a banana and raisins: very good day for some fruits. I had plenty of fiber and calories. I don't know why I was so weak while running. It was frustrating, but at least I was still mobile for 30 minutes.

For the sound of a busy place is fine for a pretty face. Who knows what a face is for.

I missed running on Friday, so I only ran 4 times this week. I worked at the movie theater Friday during the day and just wasn't in the mood to run by the time I got home. I'm not too worried though. I've been doing quite well with my running, so that isn't the problem. Eating has been the problem.

We had a special group in the movie theater today, so I was asked to work. I normally don't work Sundays, but they really needed as many people as they could get to work. A company pays to have it's employees come from 10 am to 5 pm and see as many movies as they want with free popcorn and drinks. We get around 2,000 extra people roaming the halls and going in and out of all movies.

So I'm cleaning a theater, and in the front row is a purse. I moved it to the end of the first row so that I can bring it to our Lost and Found when I'm done cleaning. Another customer was walking down the steps and leans in to pick it up. I look over and say "Is that your purse?"

She looks at me and says "No, but I'll bring it to your Lost and Found."

I give her a questioning look and tell her "I'll bring it up there when I'm done here."

She looks up at me, knots up her face and actually said to me "Well, don't rifle through it before you bring it up."

I stop cleaning and say "That is why I'm bringing it up and not you. We don't want it rifled through." She starts walking away and I look at my co-worker and loudly say "I guess because I'm cleaning up a theater, I must be a thief. I must be so desperate for money that I am going to steal from a purse left behind."

What I wanted to say was "FUCK YOU CUNT!" and run down and punch her in the back of the head. But was able stop myself. That would have been rude. And probably would have got me fired and arrested (the punching part.)

Why do people think I am the lowest form of life when I work at the movie theater? I have been accused of being a racist and a thief, told I am a janitor and a minimum wage worker, and called a loser and uneducated. And it is just a weekend job for me, get a few shekels and see free movies, hang out with my nephews and mother who work there and, generally, have some fun. And most of the time I do have fun. But some people try to ruin it for me. Well, fuck'em. I'm going to keep working there and have some fun.

And time has told me not to ask for more. Someday our ocean will find its shore.

Things are going better in my life. At least nothing is too bad at the moment. I have been running 5 times a week, up to 2.56 miles in 30 minutes. I have been slowing going faster and this has helped. I can't run straight through the 30 minutes, taking a 3 minute walking break in the middle of the run, but I am not faulting myself for that.

My eating hasn't been controlled too well. I can do it for one or two days, and then I will pig out and eat whatever I can. And, the worst part for those that know me is that I am wasting money buying chips and other snacks during the work day. I am wasting money and taking in too many calories. I am still working on ways to control my calorie intake.

Everything with my life seems to be in a holding pattern. My grandfather is doing better, gaining strength and stabilizing. It is good to see him get some of his strength back. He is in no pain now, so that is excellent as well.

I can't think anything bad going on in the past few weeks. I work at my regular job, work at the movie theater and then spending down time at my grandfather's house. It is winter here, so it isn't too good out there. A lot of snow shoveling and trying to keep warm.

Oh, and it seems my softball team has asked for a decision on who will play this year or not, so I need to get back to them on that. I haven't made up my mind, and it is annoying me that I can't seem to make that decision. I love playing softball, but I don't know if I want to play this year, or if I want to play with this group of players. I don't know why the idea of not playing is so appealing. I have to answer that, and soon.